Andy Kaufman Strikes Again

Any day now, I'm expecting to see a headline that reads "Andy Kaufman Faked His Own Life. Comedian Never Actually Born."

The Hit That Should Have Been

I was just listening to Queen and suddenly realized how sad it was that Peter Lorre didn't live long enough to do a cover of "Fat-Bottomed Girls." That song was WRITTEN for him to giggle and shriek through. (And I'm not talking about Paul Frees doing his "My Old Flame" shtick--I am referring specifically to Peter Lorre singing it. If I'm going to fantasize, I may as well go all-out.)

Booze Along With Kolchak: The "Night Stalker" Drinking Game

"I'm becoming extinct in my own lifetime. Homo Newshawkus. Natural habitat: a pool of sour mash bourbon." - Carl Kolchak, reporter.

Just in time for Halloween, we have the "Night Stalker" drinking game. Every time Kolchak bribes somebody, take a drink. Every time Kolchak steals back the money he just used for that same bribe, take a drink. Every time Vincenzo berates Kolchak, take a drink. Every time Kolchak takes a photo when he shouldn't, take a drink. Every time somebody talks smack about Kolchack's wardrobe, take a drink. Every time Kolchak's evidence is ignored by a misguided authority figure, take a drink. Every time Kolchak narrowly eludes getting pummeled or run down by a supernatural being, take a drink. 

You'll be in a coma in five minutes flat.

(Thanks to Greg Viar.) 

Image Addiction- Chapter 1: The 1920s

For those with an addiction to images as strong as mine, I will be periodically posting streams of photographs and artwork that inspire and otherwise deeply appeal to me. To kick things off, here are some glorious images from that most elegant of decades, the 1920s:

Dr. Phibes Comes to Blu-ray!

http://www.fangoria.com/new/huge-vincent-price-collection-blu-ray-update-from-shout-factory/

I have had to keep mum about this for the last couple of months, but I can finally publicly announce that I have recorded the audio commentary for Scream Factory's upcoming blu-ray release of The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971). ONE of the audio commentaries, I should say-- the other is by my dear friend, the film's director, the late Bob Fuest. Not long after he recorded his track about three years ago, I spoke with Bob and he had obviously enjoyed it immensely. It came not long after a close friend of his had died, and doing the commentary seemed to allay his grief. I am as excited to hear what his no doubt hilarious, giggly, highly enjoyable anecdotes and remarks about the film.

This is my first video commentary, and I am honored that it is this particular film-- one of my all-time favorites. I never set out to become some kind of authority on Dr. Phibes-- what's the point?-- but it looks like I am, and I'm proud of it. More importantly, I am completely sold on the blu-ray format, and seeing the film looking better than it ever has before outside of a movie theater will be a joy to behold.

A note for nitpickers: the commentary was recorded in one continuous ninety-minute take, and at least one error crept in: I pronounced the name of swinging '60s London's Biba store as "By-bah" instead of the correct "Bee-bah." Just so I don't come off as a hick to the little weasels who spend their days picking apart anything that anyone else does publicly, I'll 'fess up to the mistake.

I hope that anyone who takes the time to listen to my commentary will find that it was worth their while.

The missing scene from Ralph Bakshi's HEAVY TRAFFIC

The release of Ralph Bakshi's masterful HEAVY TRAFFIC on bluray (from Shout Factory!) is cause for celebration. The film is genuinely experimental in all the best ways-- it is Bakshi's unfettered imagination at its feverish best. I love this film (obviously).

A scene was deleted from HEAVY TRAFFIC, though, that has never received a video release (as far as I know). In it, the film's protagonist, Michael (seen above), takes a subway ride and winds up getting a beating at the hands of a sweet, schoolmarm-type (seen at Michael's right). Meanwhile, a couple screws on the subway car floor while commuters sit, obliviously reading their papers.

I have heard rumors that Bakshi himself wasn't involved in making this scene, but they are unsubstantiated, as far as I know. How do you go about seeing this elusive scene?

And she can't even PLAGIARIZE worth a damn.

Since the same reports about the Lianne "Spiderbaby" MacDougall plagiarism mini-scandal have been repeated ad infinitum, I will not regurgitate them. But, as someone who, like "Spiderbaby," occasionally writes about horror films, I feel the need to comment on it.

Based on her excessively self-aggrandizing Facebook posts, I pegged "Spiderbaby" as a narcissistic social climber a year or more ago. Her writing was nothing special, tending toward pseudo-academic sophistry. She has now been mentioned in The Guardian and The LA Times, billed as "Quentin Tarantino's girlfriend." That's much more than she had before she stole from REAL writers. Those who have had their work plagiarized have my utmost sympathy.

Her attempts at excuses for her offenses have been, in a word, pathetic. She is an insult to all of the starving horror enthusiasts who write out of true passion and with true ability. Her actions are inexcusable... and inexcusably clumsy. Did she actually think that she wouldn't get caught in the Internet age? Can she actually be a college graduate and lack even that most basic grasp of Internet protocol? 

I hope that St. Martin's Press is flooded with emails calling upon them to drop her new book, GRINDHOUSE GIRLS, if they haven't already. At the very least, I encourage everyone reading this to boycott the book. "Spiderbaby" has ironically spoken of her desire to honor the "hard-working" women of exploitation cinema, but the meaning of hard work has obviously eluded her. She should be utterly ashamed, and almost certainly isn't-- at least genuinely so.